Behavioral Loops: How We Respond to Expectations
“Feeling helpless and confused in the face of random, unpatterned events, we seek to order them and, in so doing, gain a sense of control over them,” wrote Irvin D. Yalom in his book Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy. In an attempt to control life, we develop belief patterns that often do not serve us. These patterns create our perceptions of the world, who we are, and how the world works. They shape our behavior, cultivating repeating loops or habits.
“Reality is what we take to be true. What we take to be true is what we believe. What we believe is based upon our perceptions. What we perceive depends on what we look for. What we look for depends on what we think. What we think depends on what we perceive. What we perceive determines what we believe. What we believe determines what we take to be true. What we take to be true is our reality,” explained physicist David Bohm in his lectures about our experiences with reality and our beliefs.
At times, we keep repeating patterns without even realizing we are caught in loops. After many years of repeating the same behavior, it can become second nature, and we might feel helpless to break them.
What we keep learning from research is that there is no magic pill or one-size-fits-all solution for changing behavioral loops.
What works for some people might have completely different or ineffective results for others. Different methods work for different people.
This is what Gretchen Rubin explains in her book Life in Five Senses. According to Rubin, we all have tendencies that are hardwired to regulate behavior. Based on the perception of expectations, she developed a framework that maps out four categories of behavior centered on:
Outer expectations - expectations others place on us.
Inner expectations -expectations we place on ourselves.
Depending on how people respond to these two types of expectations, they divide into four different behavioral patterns:
Upholders: This group represents people who respond equally to internal and external expectations. They can hold themselves accountable for any behavioral change with or without external expectations.
Questioners: These individuals tend to question external expectations and respond only to those they consider justified.
Obligers: Obligers respond eagerly to external expectations but struggle to meet internal expectations. They need external accountability to stick to personal deadlines.
Rebels: Rebels resist both external and internal expectations. This group represents people who have a hard time with accountability.
The framework helps to understand unconscious behavior and can be instrumental in identifying tendencies, different responses people have to expectations.
Based on this framework, Rubin has developed a quiz on her website to help people identify their tendencies. Here is the Link to the quiz.
Our behavioral tendencies result from our beliefs and how we perceive life.
“If death is inevitable, if all of our accomplishments, indeed our entire solar system, shall one day lie in ruins, if the world is contingent (that is, everything could as well have been otherwise), if human beings must construct the world and the human design within that world, then what enduring meaning can there be in life? … We are meaning-seeking creatures. Biologically, our nervous systems are organized in such a way that the brain automatically clusters incoming stimuli into configurations. Meaning also provides a sense of mastery: feeling helpless and confused in the face of random, unpatterned events, we seek to order them and, in so doing, gain a sense of control over them. Even more important, meaning gives birth to values and, hence, to a code of behavior: thus the answer to why questions (Why do I live?) supplies an answer to how questions (How do I live?).”
- Irvin D. Yalom